A/N: This is my first posted slash fic. No, there’s not really any slash at this point but there will be. Its my brainchild, my baby and I poured myself into it. It may seem similar to the works of one of my fellow authors (I can’t say who she is yet without RUINING it for ya’ll ^-~) on this site, but I contacted said author and she knows about any likeness and since the fics will be VERY different in there is no problem anyway.

Thanks to Selua and FQ for helping me through this. You guys are the most amazing people in the world and I really appreciate all the support and brainstorming work.

 Anywho… PLEASE REVIEW!? I’d really, really, really appreaciate any and all feedback.

 *    *    *

Dear Harry,

Happy 5th Birthday.

Love, Your Father


Harry blinked down at the paper in his hand and stumblingly read through it again.



 

It was the last thing Harry had expected to find when his Uncle Vernon had stuffed him in his cupboard.  He’d never, ever, had one before.  So the first feelings that flowed through him, at the sight of the letter and present waiting for him, were a mixture of shock and joy.

He had opened the yellowed envelope and peered at the letter inside. The next feeling that flitted through Harry was pride at having been able to read the whole letter all by himself. He’d been practicing, for a while, with the books his cousin Dudley never touched. And it paid off at not having to ask his Aunt and Uncle what the neat slanted, words meant.



 

The third feeling was more confusing. The person who gave him the present, which he had yet to open, was his father according to the letter. But Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon said that his mommy and daddy had died in a car crash. They had said!

But.... there was a box on his bed. And Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley had never been nice to him or given him a present on his birthday before. So maybe this person really was his daddy.

In fact, maybe it was better to believe the person who sent him the present. After all, his Aunt and Uncle had never shown him much kindness or affection or used the word ‘love’ in connection to Harry. But his dad had.

Harry smiled widely and put the letter under his pillow very carefully so as not to damage it. He smoothed the pillow with his tiny hands and then turned to his present.

Harry beamed as he gently ripped through the green and silver wrapping paper. When he finished removing the paper he put it under his pillow as well.

Then, with small, shaking hands he opened the large brown box that had been hidden beneath the shiny paper. He yanked off the tape after a few unsuccessful attempts, opened the box, and reached a hand into the box. 

His hand hit something soft and fuzzy. He grabbed the present, pulled it out. A grin spread across his young features, the widest one to ever grace the small round face.

It was a stuffed animal, a snow-white stag with soft silvery antlers. It was so real Harry could have sworn it was a live, that it could move. And it was brand new.

Harry had never had anything new before. Let alone a new toy. He cuddled the stag close to his chest and hugged it tight.

This was the bestest birthday ever. He had a present of his own, and someone out there, outside his Aunt and Uncle’s house that cared about him.

~*~*~*~

Severus was pacing Dumbledore’s office. Albus wondered how many more times those feet could tread across his Persian carpet before the intricate weave caught fire.

"Do you think he liked it Albus? What if he hated it? What if he tore it to pieces and cursed me. Albus, I need to know what he thought of it." Severus murmured, pacing even faster and running his hand through his greasy hair.

Albus smiled. "Harry is five years old Severus. It’s a present. I’m sure he will love it."

Severus sighed and collapsed into the nearest chair. "I want to be there to see it Albus. I want to be there for it all."

"He’ll be here in six years. Until then you’ll have to wait. Severus, my dear boy, if I could do anything more I would. But I will not compromise his safety and I know that you will not either."

Snape sighed again, heavier, longer, and sadder. He wrung his hands together in agitation. "I miss them both so much it hurts, Albus." He looked up and gave his mentor and father figure a hard stare. "I tell you this in confidence and if you breath a word of this to Minerva or Filius you’ll wish I’d stayed with the Dark Lord."

Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled at the Potions Master. It was almost fun to watch his favorite colleague fret over his son. But that enjoyment was overshadowed by the knowledge of how much Snape missed his and James’s little boy.

If Dumbledore had it within his power to ensure Harry’s safety within the wizarding world, then he would have would have brought Harry to Hogwarts immediately after Lily and James’s deaths. But the wards protecting Harry were directly tied into the extreme... Muggleness of Lily’s family. 

"Rest assured, I would not want to bring such a wrath upon myself. Please continue."

"I want my son back Albus. He’s all I have of James. You can’t expect me to sit back like this and quietly watch him grow up with those damn muggles."

"I’m not asking you to be quiet around me, Severus. You know that. That is why you are here. When he arrives at Hogwarts, what he knows about his patronage is up to your discretion. But you WILL stay at a distance until he arrives at school." Albus said, his voice gaining an undertone of steel.

"Fine." He snapped. "But I’m not going to like it." Then he sighed. "What’s a good Christmas gift for a five year old?"

Albus smiled. "A bit early for that don’t you think, Severus? Its only July."

~*~*~*~

Severus stalked swiftly and silently to his chamber. He muttered the password, "Potter", and entered with a heavy sigh.

He needed a drink. Now.

He had gotten himself thoroughly plastered on every one of Harry’s birthdays except for his first one. It had become a tradition. It was the one day of the year he let down his defenses and let himself remember.

And once he took those first few drinks and let down his mental barriers, it all came back. Every moment he ever spent with James, every word they ever spoke, every touch they ever shared. It all came rushing back full power.

And as painful as it all was, Severus couldn’t help but bask in the memories.

 %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

P.S. Snape may seem a little OOC in this chapter… well, I know. I did it on purpose the main reason being that in my opinion, Snape sees Dumbledore as a father figure, one he doesn’t have to hide from particularly under such emotionally taxing moments. And what he does in his privacy away from prying eyes is his business and he doesn’t have to keep up appearances.